For the last few days, we have had...
...a moat on the north side of the house.
...intermittent running water.
...sewage build up in the basement.
All we needed was to put one of the boys in stocks in the front yard and it would have been the Ultimate Medieval Experience.
I'm telling you, any day that starts with you bailing household bilge out of your basement and ends with the "plumber" (I use the term loosely) telling you that your only option for fixing the washing machine's drainage issues is to run a hose from it to the toilet is a day to blog about. But I'm not going to discuss that much, except to say that the "plumber" had the audacity to put his magnet on our fridge. Without asking. Oh, yeah. That sucker's in the trash.
Anyhoo, what I AM going to blog about is, believe it or not, less pleasant than sewage. At least, it is for Jon. How can I put this delicately? Jon is...going to be "tutored" in a few weeks.
His pre-op appointment was on Wednesday. Lucky Jon. His urologist is apparently an IDIOT, because he told Jon to warn me that he (Jon) has to take it totally easy for two days after the surgery.
Question: what kind of moron would actually tell his postpartum wife that he HAS to be lazy? I imagine the conversation would go like this:
Husband: The doctor says I have to take it easy after I'm tutored.
Wife: (smacks husband)
Funny story: Jon related this information to me while I was doing the dishes, which was perhaps not the best timing. I didn't maim him, but any sympathy I may have been feeling for him due to the impending permanent detour of his "Special Men" went out the window when I realized that not once, but TWICE, I have pushed a human being out of my body. And both times resulted in tearing in unmentionable places. And, sure, I got a hospital stay out of it (ONE NIGHT!), but even then the nurses made sure I was awake every two hours for one reason or another. There was NO talk of "ease taking."
In a nutshell, there is a huge difference between men and women when it comes to interpreting and implementing a doctor's advice for recovering from physical trauma. A man will actually try to take it easy, up to and including breathing as little as possible. A woman will forgo mopping the floor and folding laundry.
However, having said this, I am very grateful for my own personal husband, who is admittedly taking one for the team and will probably not take it as easy as my hormone-driven lunatic imaginings would have me believe. Because that would require intravenous nourishment, and although he likes to talk tough about being a lazy bum, he is generally incredibly helpful and involved with the kids. Even the infant ones.
******and now for something completely different********
Jon got me a two-kid jogging stroller for my birthday, on the off chance that I actually take up jogging. Or--more likely--sauntering. While watching Jon assemble it, I was perusing the instruction manual, which was, surprisingly, more complex than:
1) Put the kid(s) in the stroller.
2) Hold on to the handle.
3) Run.
One of the actual instructions was, and here I quote:
"Always fold or unfold the Jogging Stroller slowly and with caution...Children left in a folded stroller may incur serious injury or death. Always remove children from the passenger compartment before folding and storing the Jogging Stroller."
To quote Brian Regan, I give up on this species.
Peace.
