I'm the kid eating paper in the corner...

Elijah came up for air after a long bout of video game playing. I took one look at him and said, "You ate all the Doritos, didn't you?"



To which Elijah replied with utter incredulity, "HOW DID YOU KNOW????"



Well, let me tell you how I was able to discern that bit of naughtiness from just one look at him. When I took that one look at him, this is what I saw: orange handprints ALL OVER his white T-shirt. It did not take a rocket scientist to get that satellite into orbit.

Jon left an open bag of Doritos next to the computer.

PLUS

Both adults were upstairs, leaving the boys largely unattended.

PLUS

Elijah has my bad eating habits.

EQUALS

Empty bag of Doritos and one happy seven year old.

As far as Elijah's concerned, I have near-godlike powers of deduction. I'm all-seeing and all-knowing. Not only do I know when he eats all the Doritos, I know when he's fighting with his brother...even when I'm NOT IN THE ROOM.

Which got me to thinking...again...I think God probably looks at me and rolls His eyes the way I looked at Elijah and rolled my eyes. Only...not only do I have orange handprints on my shirt, I have CheezDust on my face and my hand is in the bag.

No, that's not quite right. If God looks at me the way I look at my four month old, I'm doing pretty dang good.

I used to think I was pretty capable and intelligent. Having kids beat that out of me fast. Now I know that I'm just like Gabe when he sits on my lap, rocking back and forth*, thinking he's pretty cool** because he figured out this awesome new trick. He thinks he's doing it all by himself and that he's totally safe.

HA.

He IS totally safe, but just because I'm helping him balance, a skill he hasn't mastered yet. If I let go, he would fall flat on his face almost immediately. Game over. But I don't let go because he's having fun. Not to mention the fact that I'm having fun playing with him.

Did I mention I fell flat on my face today, metaphorically speaking? I think God got tired of my God complex and let me experience just how much I was capable of without His help. Also, He probably got tired of my ingratitude.

Hopefully this time I'll learn the lesson--I imagine that if I don't, next time I'll get more than a face plant into a down comforter to gently remind me of How Things Really Are.

But I must say...it would be nice if I were all-knowing. Or at least "10% knowing." Yeah. That would be nice. Like elbow pads and knee pads and a helmet for life. Sigh.

*He does this for long stretches of time. It's his favorite game. We call it the Rock Back And Forth Until You Barf game. 'Cause that's how it ends every time. He yaks all over the place. We still let him play, we just put down a drop cloth first.

**For the record, he IS pretty cool.