You're not dying, you just can't think of anything good to do!

So Elijah woke up this morning, and was all

Not really.  Jon and I (mostly me; it makes Jon cringe, but he goes along with it) have a one-per-year-complimentary Mental Health Day policy at our house, and Elijah took advantage of it today.  I figure, I'd rather that he be honest with me and that he not start the day curled up in a ball licking his palms in order to get a few hours of down time.  As a result, he gets a brief reprive from third grade; I get to hang out with the funniest eight-year-old on the planet for a few extra hours.  It's been a mostly boring day, with a few exceptions....

(as I type, he's playing Lego Star Wars and humming the Star Wars Imperial March to himself because I made him turn down the volume so I could hear the baby moniter better.  hee hee.)

1.  We went to Smith's, where I had him in a complete panic that his principal would go there to get his lunch and catch him ditching school.  It was HYSTERICAL when the guy checking price/inventory/whatever with a scanner made the scanner start beeping in an ominous way--I told Elijah to hide behind the cart because the beeping was a scanner looking for kids who should be in school and it was ON TO HIM!  He ducked behind the cart like it was a bomb shelter and a nuke had just been popped.  hee hee.

"I did not achieve this position in life by having some snot-nosed punk leave my cheese out in the wind."

2.  As we were walking to the car (and I kept telling him to hide because I saw his teacher--and the poor kid kept buying it...), he was having a little train of thought that had me in stitches.  Keep in mind that the following was pretty much stream-of-thought:

Elijah:  "Meegan, if you're kissing someone and they have an Adam's apple, you're kissing a boy, so always check for an Adam's apple so you don't accidentally kiss a boy."

Meegan:  "Unless you're a girl and you WANT to kiss a boy."

Elijah:  (worriedly) "hmmmm....how can you check to make sure it's not a girl?  OH!!!  They have BOOBS!!!!" (pensively) "Unless they had them chopped off..."

Meegan:  laughs hysterically

And this didn't technically happen today, but it does involve Elijah and it's equally hysterical...I asked Lije to watch Gabriel so I could get dinner ready.  Gabe was in his high chair, and Elijah proceeded to demonstrate a history of warfare for him, beginning in the Stone Age and ending with Armageddon.  For a prop, he used the unbelievably large squash that our friends gave us.  Here Elijah is, recreating World War I; that's a machine gun he's carrying:

LOCK N LOAD!

Then he moved on to World War II and the grenade launcher....I wish I could have recorded the sounds...

AND THEN...I was checking his homework folder, and I found....THIS:

In case it's too small to read, that says:

Guy on Right:  Who are you?

Guy on Left:  Death, fool!

Guy on Right:  O-no!

Guy on Left:  It's bed time!

I think I can sum today up thusly:

And now, Elijah and I are going to steal someone's lunch reservations.  And maybe start a dance party.  Be jealous of us, but don't end up in the police station making out with Charlie Sheen.

As you were.