I hope he or she chokes on it!

I'm trying REALLY hard to be a) positive, b) Christlike, and c) not an emotional wreck.

I'm trying, but I'm going to be honest...I think I'm failing miserably.  Or failing really well.  I guess it depends on how you look at it.

On Saturday, I move into a different age bracket.  Grrrrr.  Also, my driver's license expires.  I love my current driver's license.  It features a picture where I don't look like a bloated, red-eyed mutant monster freak (it was a rough morning at the driver's license division).

Apparently, to borrow an expression from today's Cake Wrecks, "once my driver's license expires, I could have been born ANYWHERE" and I needed to bring a copy of my birth certificate to prove that while I may be unbalanced, I'm an unbalanced AMERICAN. For the love.  So my wonderful mom, who is apparently STILL having to take care of me--even though I'm entering an age bracket that NOT ONLY results in great auto insurance rates, but my next pregnancy will be high risk--anyways, Mom had to dig through who knows what to find my birth certificate.  Which she did, because she is awesome like that.  Because, again, once my driver's license expires, I could have been born anywhere. 

I choose Fiji, and I'm going home, because apparently having a LAMINATED birth certificate ALSO means I could have been born anywhere.  What kind of backwards, terrorist-funding country lets their citizens laminate documents they want to last a lifetime?  Not the USA!  Here, we pay $17, get stuff notarized, and wait 6-8 weeks when we want to prove that we are law-abiding, naturally-born citizens, and we do it with natural fibers, unencumbered by unholy polymers!  Countries that let people laminate their documents probably also let their women learn to read, and that can't be allowed (mostly because when women can read and write, they end up splattering hormone-fueled rage all over the internet.).

Deep breath.

I hope today gets better from here on out, because YESTERDAY Jon lost his thumb drive.  The thumb drive that has the research he spent July gathering in three different Eastern states.  He left it in the USU library, and I hope the punk that decided to keep it (instead of turning it in at the front desk or something) gets a virus that pops up the Rick Rolled video every time he/she types the word "the," and it can't be stopped until the WHOLE VIDEO PLAYS.   See how I'm not being very Christlike today?  The killer is, I would have GLADLY given the kid $20 to buy his own thumb drive, but NOOOOO, now we have to fly Jon back to Pittsburg/Wheeling for a week so he can reenact July (which will be like playing the minute waltz in fifteen seconds), and OH YEAH, he can't really get started on his thesis until he gets back because he needs the information he lost, which is a whole 'nuther headache.  So the $20 thumb drive that kid pocketed has already cost us $400 (I'm not going to discuss how we produced that magic cow), and we haven't even paid for the two star hotel yet.  I really hope s/he needs it and isn't using it for downloaded porn and pirated music.  GRRRRRRRRR!

Deep breath.

I need to think some happy thoughts, and about more than the pumpkin/chocolate chip loaf that my friend dropped off last night.

(Here's the part where I force myself to look on the bright side, even though I really just want to fume and stew and plot revenge on Unnamed Aggie Thief, but that isn't good for my attitude or my blood pressure.)

--we are healthy
--we are fed
--we are sheltered
--if this is the worst we have to deal with this week, we are really quite blessed, because it isn't insurmountable, it will just take time, and we pulled together the means to deal with the problem.  Literally, thank heaven.

Deep breath.

Something good will come of this, I know, but right now I think I'm doing a pretty good imitation of Gabriel when I give him bananas instead of goldfish crackers at snack time.

Aaaaaaand...drowning my frustration in chocolate will commence in 5...4...3...2..NOW!