The life I lead/I need a montage

A few days ago, after another bout of ranting about wanting to flee to Anaheim, the universe decided to mock me, and the local Young Punk radio station played a medley of Disney movie tunes.  Very funny, universe.  Har har.  Being in a strangely masochistic mood (and not wanting to listen to angry people rant about politics), I decided to humbly accept my well-earned cosmic smack in the face.

The universe has a funny way of making a point.  One of the songs was "The Life I Lead," from Mary Poppins, a song I have never particularly liked, because I thought it was obnoxious.  I guess I just needed to have the right combination of life experiences to appreciate it. 

For those of you unwilling to click the link (shame!), the song is Mr. Banks patting himself on the back for his orderly and idyllic home life (that part is obnoxious).  The element I find ruddy hysterical is that, throughout the song, Mrs. Banks is trying to get his attention and tell him a very important bit of information; namely, their children are missing.  Oops.  So much for his perfectly-ordered existence.  However, he completely ignores her...such chaos cannot be part of his life; therefore, her words don't register.  I particularly like the part where he pats his missing children on the head and shoos them off to bed, as per his usual routine.

Now, throughout the years, I've collected a few lines that, due to their back story, convey a lot of information with just a few words (as long as you know the back story.  Apparently, I'm selective in my willingness to communicate).  Among them are such gems as "There's too much chicken," "trapped in the afternoon," and "pink dot."  (no, I'm not going to explain them.  It would take too long.) Now, I have a new one:

"But, George, THE CHILDREN ARE MISSING!!!!!" 

This one line means, "Poor sucker doesn't even know what's really going on around him.  It must be nice to live in a such a perfect world.  Oh, well.  Reality will bite him in the arse soon enough."

Yesterday, Jon and I had our parenting skills called into question because, wait for it, the boys' shirts often are stained and many of their jeans have holes in the knees.  This from the individual whose impending visits occasion late night vomiting and day time meltdowns.  Deep breath.  The children are missing.

Today, the boys left to spend spring break with their mother.  They took with them a suitcase of clothes, carefully inspected to ensure that none of the shirts were stained and that the pants didn't have holes in the knees.  They left behind an evil stepmother who was stunned because their hair is sooooo short (this is a crime?).

Tomorrow, I'm going to try really hard not to spend money we don't have on churros and turkey legs because it's easier to handle the boys' absence by being somewhere else entirely (last summer was perfect--while they were gone, we were in Ohio).  I'm going to try really hard to remember that she's trying to pack  three months worth of parenting into a week, and that the little jabs are because she wishes she was here more.  And I'm REALLY going to try NOT to think about natural consequences and feel smug about it.  Being a flawed human being, that last one will be the hardest.

Right now, I need a montage to get me through the week, since eating a chocolate cake is, sadly, out of the question.  Because...

"And show us a passage of time,
We're gonna need a montage (montage)
Oh it takes a montage (montage)

Show a lot of things happening at once,
Remind everyone of what's going on (what's going on?)
And with every shot you show a little improvement
To show it all would take to long
That's called a montage (montage)
Oh we want montage (montage)
  
And anything that we want to go from just a beginner to a pro,
You need a montage (montage)
Even Rocky had a montage (montage)"

 
I need a montage...but probably for more than to get through this one week.  I'd like a montage to get me to the point that I'm not angry about the jabs and parenting tips and maybe, just maybe, that fake smile on my face during drop off and picks ups could be more genuine...

I need to pick a song...I  better pick a long one.  I have a LONG way to go...