Music 101

I recently decided that I need to expose Gabriel to more music that is toddler-appropriate.  This may or may not be a result of the "sexyback" hat incident.  But it was DEFINITELY reinforced when I finally "listened" to the lyrics to that one Eminem song, which is NOT appropriate for ME, let alone the innocent toddler.

So, in an attempt to be a decent mom, I went to the Cheesy Kids' Music section at the local Shop O Rama and chose a CD that I thought could meet both of our needs:  my need to not slam my head in a door whilst listening to it,  Gabriel's need to get his groove on, and my newly recognized need to not corrupt my toddler.  It was an...

EPIC FAIL.

It did not meet ANY of those needs.  It did, however, meet my need to laugh riotously and make other drivers question my sanity as they passed us.

It was an epic fail on two specific levels:

1.  It was massively historically inaccurate, so we could never listen to it with Jon.
2.  It wasn't really any cleaner than the music already on my iPod.

Case in point: unless the wave of Hispanic immigration is farther reaching than I am aware of (and we're talking areas of high population density, not just the occasional outliers), if you wanted to see a senorita with flowers in her hair, I doubt you'd book a flight to Kentucky*. Nevertheless, song fourteen on disc two, "Going to Kentucky," started with the lyrics:

I was going to Kentucky, I was going to the fair.

To see the senorita, with flowers in her hair.

(This is where Jon's head exploded.  We didn't even make it to the cover of Yankee Doodle, which is responsible for children everywhere having bizarre mental images of Mac N Cheese-covered hats.  Or was that just me?)

And then it went downhill.  The next two lines were:

So, shake it, shake it, shake it.  Shake it if you can.

You can shake it like a milkshake and do the best you can.

Which immediately dredged up the following brain worms, which aren't exactly child-friendly, either:

Shake it like a Polaroid picture (Hey Ya, by Outkast)

and 

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard (Milkshake, by some skeezy girl)

 True story that I find hysterical:  when I googled the lyrics to Hey Ya, I got...THIS:

Till' there's nothing at
AaaaaaaaAAAAAAAaaaaaaAAAAAAaaaaaallllll..
We get together
Ohh, we get together
But seperate's always better when there's feelings
InvooooooOOOOOOOoooooooOOOOOOooooooOOOOOlved

Talk about creative use of upper and lowercase letters to indicate pronunciation.

Where was I?  Totally off topic.  Right. 

I looked at Gabriel in the rearview mirror and--mercifully--the look on his face was just like mine.  Namely, "What the heck are you making me listen to?  Where's the GOOD music? Bring on the Guns N Roses!"

Anyhoo, at this point, we got home, turned on the iHome, and made lunch.  Being selfish, I put on MY music...which happened to be pre-sellout Green Day.  Which, as it turns out, Gabriel LOVES.

And I'm OK with that.

*I've been to Kentucky.  There are very few Hispanics there.  It was the strangest Taco Bell experience this West coast girl has ever had.