You're not dying, you just can't think of anything good to do!

So Elijah woke up this morning, and was all

Not really.  Jon and I (mostly me; it makes Jon cringe, but he goes along with it) have a one-per-year-complimentary Mental Health Day policy at our house, and Elijah took advantage of it today.  I figure, I'd rather that he be honest with me and that he not start the day curled up in a ball licking his palms in order to get a few hours of down time.  As a result, he gets a brief reprive from third grade; I get to hang out with the funniest eight-year-old on the planet for a few extra hours.  It's been a mostly boring day, with a few exceptions....

(as I type, he's playing Lego Star Wars and humming the Star Wars Imperial March to himself because I made him turn down the volume so I could hear the baby moniter better.  hee hee.)

1.  We went to Smith's, where I had him in a complete panic that his principal would go there to get his lunch and catch him ditching school.  It was HYSTERICAL when the guy checking price/inventory/whatever with a scanner made the scanner start beeping in an ominous way--I told Elijah to hide behind the cart because the beeping was a scanner looking for kids who should be in school and it was ON TO HIM!  He ducked behind the cart like it was a bomb shelter and a nuke had just been popped.  hee hee.

"I did not achieve this position in life by having some snot-nosed punk leave my cheese out in the wind."

2.  As we were walking to the car (and I kept telling him to hide because I saw his teacher--and the poor kid kept buying it...), he was having a little train of thought that had me in stitches.  Keep in mind that the following was pretty much stream-of-thought:

Elijah:  "Meegan, if you're kissing someone and they have an Adam's apple, you're kissing a boy, so always check for an Adam's apple so you don't accidentally kiss a boy."

Meegan:  "Unless you're a girl and you WANT to kiss a boy."

Elijah:  (worriedly) "hmmmm....how can you check to make sure it's not a girl?  OH!!!  They have BOOBS!!!!" (pensively) "Unless they had them chopped off..."

Meegan:  laughs hysterically

And this didn't technically happen today, but it does involve Elijah and it's equally hysterical...I asked Lije to watch Gabriel so I could get dinner ready.  Gabe was in his high chair, and Elijah proceeded to demonstrate a history of warfare for him, beginning in the Stone Age and ending with Armageddon.  For a prop, he used the unbelievably large squash that our friends gave us.  Here Elijah is, recreating World War I; that's a machine gun he's carrying:

LOCK N LOAD!

Then he moved on to World War II and the grenade launcher....I wish I could have recorded the sounds...

AND THEN...I was checking his homework folder, and I found....THIS:

In case it's too small to read, that says:

Guy on Right:  Who are you?

Guy on Left:  Death, fool!

Guy on Right:  O-no!

Guy on Left:  It's bed time!

I think I can sum today up thusly:

And now, Elijah and I are going to steal someone's lunch reservations.  And maybe start a dance party.  Be jealous of us, but don't end up in the police station making out with Charlie Sheen.

As you were.

I may be last, but I finished!

No, Elise, you aren't the last person to finish Mockingjay...that would be ME.  But I will keep this spoiler-free in case Lisa isn't done yet...

I've decided I reeeeeally like Suzanne Collins.  I think she has a gift for seeing things like they are and then being honest about it. 

She dead-on nailed the reality of glowy-box-addicted children whose world is destroyed when the power goes out (have I mentioned I LOVE Charlie McButton?  And not just because we have the EXACT.  SAME.  TIME OUT.  CHAIR.). 

I  think she got pretty close to what happens to people when they are put into horrible situations (I can't say I know, because I've led a sheltered life and have always had other people to do the ugly fighting for me, for which I an grateful).  Also/Unfortunately, she's got a wicked ability to portray teenage whininess/woe-is-me/lovelornitude.  Which is annoying.  But true to the character in question.  Who is an annoying whiner.

I loved Mockingjay for all the reasons it seems to be getting slammed.

1.  It doesn't have a happily ever after.  Yeah, war tends to be like that, even if you win.

2.  Katniss actually picked a guy.  Take note, Stephanie Meyer.  It is not necessary to create improbable vampire/human hybrids to tie up a lose end, just solid characterizations.  And a backbone.  And while I'm on this rant, if Collins had written Harry Potter, she would have killed the Weasley dad in book five, not backed down under publisher pressure.  Because it proved the situation was serious, even though he did have a last name (points if you get that reference).  Oh yeah!  And Harry would have died, because THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DESTROY A HORCRUX!  (not that I mind them both surviving; it is a kids book, after all, and kids deserve some happily ever after while they can get it).

3.  There is no black and white.  Only Sith deal in absolutes (and apparently Jedi...mwah ha ha ha ha).  The muddled gray that the rest of us exist in is why there are good stories to be told in the first place (note the qualifier).  Even the Dread Pirate Roberts wasn't all bad, and the heavens wept when Lucifer fell...

4.  It was violent.  THIS WAS A SURPRISE?  Did the people complaining about this even READ the first two books?????  It's not like they were chained to a chair and forced to read them.  For the love!  If the violence appalled you, put it down.  Go read a fairy tale.  Just not the original Grimm fairy tales...those were pretty horrific.  Maybe go watch a Disney movie and complain about the subliminal messages.  You know, the ones other than, "go spend an obscene amount of money on our over-priced licensed character merchandise."  OK, I didn't necessarily LIKE the violence, but I liked the story, and it was necessary.  Kind of like I liked the bad guys getting DESTROYED by Liam Nissan in Taken.  They needed killing, and apparently I don't have a problem with vigilante justice (says the girl who freaks out when Jon parks in the Employee of the Week spot at WalMart).


Whoa...I think I'm a little toooo wrapped up in this.  I think I need Elise to remind me that it's just a book...it's not real...but holy crow can the above-mentioned authors write a story that holds your attention...

And, Elise...you noticed an out of place period on page 357?  You should be an English teacher!  I was too busy trying to keep track of my favorite victor (hint:  NOT Katniss.  It starts with "fuh" and ends with "innick.").  I admire your attention to detail.  Now, where did I leave my baby?...

We're going to flip it next Thursday...

Relevant fact number one:  Jon worked REALLY hard last year.  As in, had four jobs concurrently and went to school full time hard, and had some very NOT COOL things happen in terms of thesis committee and proposal and such, but he took it like a trooper and was awarded a scholarship AND a tuition waiver.  My man is awesome.  Did I mention he's going to be published?  Yep, awesome!

Relevant fact number two:  the NFL hasn't entered the 20th century.  Heck, I want to shout, "Welcome to the nineties, Mr. Bonks!" every time Jon tries to find a way to watch games (even after the fact) online.  You can pay to hear the radio announcer version, but we already tried that and it was lame.  Apparently, there's just something about huge men chasing a tiny ball up and down a field that loses something when you take out the visual element.


Relevant fact number three:  its the time of year when college students flood this town, and there are a TON of "deals" to be had.

When you put all the facts together, what you get is me, sitting around waiting for the cable guy to show up and flip a switch.  Which takes two hours, by the way.  Not the waiting, the switch flipping.  Hmpf.  AND THEN, while the helpful cable installer is showing me how to use a remote control (this is necessary?  I weep for the future!), I was INSTANTLY reminded why I strong-armed Jon into getting rid of cable in the first place:  there is a ton of garbage on TV.

NFL, you better be exciting this year, because I feel like I sold my soul for you.

But then I realized I should come down off my Rameumpton, because--thanks to NetFlix--I do spend an ungodly amount of time in front of the TV (but my laundry is ALWAYS folded).  In fact, the last five TV shows I watched were:

1.  Bones.  David Boreanaz.  Yum.  Oh wait, I mean...I love the mystery!  And the dark comedic undertones!
2.  Say Yes to the Dress.  Those women make me feel stable and not crazy, contrary to what my daily behavior might indicate.
3.  Hannah Montana Forever.  No comment.  I wish I could blame this one on the kids, but sadly...I can't.  (I also like the Wizards of Waverly Place)
4.  The Backyardigans.  Gabriel LOVES the music.
5.  The Cake Boss.  In all honesty, it's not much better than the soap that gave me the willies today, but there were pretty cakes and I couldn't resist.  I love cake...

And then I got wondering...what does that say about me?  Surely my choices in music and books are more...enlightened.

FAT CHANCE.  Just so you can feel better about yourself, here are my last five...

...Books:

1)  Dragonhaven by Robin McKinley.  Currently reading it.  Not her best, but you can tell from her description of parenting a dragon that the author has definitely raised a kid or two.  I laughed my head off at the...accurateness...of it.   And I have to give her props for her writing skillz--her voice in this book is completely different from what I'm used to. 
1.5) The newest Kindom Keepers book.  I kinda lost interest, which was odd because I loved the other two...
2)  The Cardturner by Louis Sachar.  I liked Holes better, but it was good. I still don't get bridge, though.
3)  Catching Fire.  I liked it, but I hate the direction the main character is going.  I'm just saying that someone as efficient at staying alive should spend less time whining.  Go kill someone and call it good.  Also, if the Gale/Peeta thing turns into another Edward/Jacob thing....I'M OUTTA HERE!!!  Fun unrelated fact:  Suzanne Collins ALSO wrote my FAVORITE CHILDREN'S BOOK OF ALL TIME, Charlie McButton.  hee hee.  I call Ethan Charlie McButton when he is slavering in front of the glowy box.  It drives him crazy.  hee hee.

4) The Memory Keeper's Daughter.  Deep.  Ress.  Ing.  On a variety of levels.  I don't care if it's "thematically brilliant" or "touching."  Don't touch me!
5)  The Help.  Good, but infuriating. I'll be honest...it has affected the way I look at the prop 8 thing, but that's all I'll say about that.

BONUS BOOK:  (I'm going to skip all the pink dots I read at Lisa's house.  Nicholas Sparks bites.)  Nightlight by the Harvard Lampoon was every bit as well-written as the book it satirizes.  Yeah.  There.  I said it.

And then there's music.  The last five songs I listened to are:

1.  Tainted Love by Soft Cell
2.  Fallen by Chimera
3.  Dr. Feelgood by Motley Crue
4.  Wavin' Flag by K'naan (the original version, not the peppy World Cup one.  Once you get past the excessive rhyming, I love it.  But it does rhyme a lot.
5.  Seether by Veruca Salt (angry girl music, Jon calls it...but HE'S the one who bought it)

I'll be honest...I considered fudging the music list a bit to make myself seem classier.  Yeah...the last thing I listened to was...uummmm...Bach...yeah...the Cello Suites...yeah...

OK, I think we can sum this post up thusly:

1.  I need to find better ways to spend my time.
2.  Gabriel is finally getting secure enough let me put him down for more than five minutes.
3.  Elise:  tag, you're it.  BE HONEST.

Beat THIS reason to avoid doing laundry

There is a huge, hairy spider hiding  in a pair of Ice Age boxer briefs (size 8).  I found it sorting laundry, and now I'm avoiding the white load.  Shiver.


I'll admit it.  I squealed and dropped the bungees like they were on fire.

As you were.

I almost forgot....

SQUISHY FACE!!!!!

And this is why I say Lisa is the fun sister.  Heavens knows, it's not me...

The month in pictures (with a few captions)

In a nutshell (because Gabriel is being uncooperative), we spent the Fourth of July in Colorado Springs at the Alfred family reunion:

Jon and Gabriel with Gigi (Great Grandma Alfred, who is MUCH tougher than I am, at least judging by her ability to stand during church services)

Cousin death match!  I question the ref's neutrality...

Gabriel and Grandpa Alfred

Because we were in Colorado, OF COURSE this is what happened on the Fourth of July, but that didn't stop Jon from...

We fish our waters, we till our soil, we barbecue on the Fourth of July!

Oma wins Gabriel's favor with a story

Then we were off to Cincinnati, which I STILL can't spell, so Jon could slave away (sucka!) in various libraries along the east coast while I played with the Kellys.  Kellies?  meh. Moving on.

Paige at Jiu Jitsu, showing her dad how it's done.  Sidenote:  Jim is very good with the kids.  I was MOST impressed.

Maybe Gabriel won't instigate a Cousin Death Match after all...

More of the month in pictures...

We spent lots of time at the pool and were glad the Haynes' family could come to Paigey's birthday party

Seriously.  How beautiful is this little girl?  Seriously. Nose bubble and all.  Seriously. (Paige says that A LOT, which made me reevaluate my use/overuse of the word.)

Love. My underwater camera.

We went to Gabe's (and my) first pro baseball game, wherein the Reds SPANKED the Rockies.  Then, a few weeks later, we went to a Rockies game in Denver (Thanks, Harry and Marta!) wherein the PIRATES spanked the Rockies. I think I cursed the Rockies.  Or they have a craptastic pitcher.  One or the other.

Jon tearing it up at the King's Island water park.  I hear the Kellys/Kellies will soon have one of these in their backyard.  LUCKY!

Gabriel LOVED the wave pool--Jon was a sport and helped him body surf.  I have never seen him so happy.

For the cutest baby ever to body surf, click here.  You know, you look funny with your head like that.  heh.

And, lest you think that Ethan and Elijah were suffering of boredom with their mother...they weren't.

They went to OshKosh.

I am jealous. Happy they got to go, but jealous.

 All in all, it's been a fun month.  The boys come home tomorrow, a happy early surprise, so life should pretty much return to normal...or as normal as it gets around here.

Harry, Marta, Lisa, and Jim:  THANK YOU!

Peace and much love!