Halloween in a nutshell

Jon made his famous flaming pumpkins, terrifying the neighbors and instigating this conversation yet again.   This year, however, Jon and Elijah unwittingly carved pumpkins to represent the both of us; I'll let you guess who's who:

Note the highly flammable weeds, err, cornstalks

Here's a wide shot of the driveway....

Note that the Montero is parked in the fire-ready position, albeit on the wrong side of the fire.

Sadly, it was raining, which put a damper on both the pumpkins and the trick or treaters...but not before the new French (really) neighbors stopped by to be amazed by the limitless American taste for shock and awe.

Fortunately, here in Mormondom, the uber-Christian holiday that is Halloween has been stretched out over three days.  Because it falls on a Sunday.  Am I the only one who sees the irony here???  Anyhoo, this meant the boys got to trunk or treat...then trick or treat...and then trick or treat AGAIN with their mother, who is in town this weekend.  I'm done with Halloween, by the way...

At the trunk or treat:  Yoda, Apollo, Skeletor.  Obviously, not the blue one.  A different one.

Look at Gabriel's hand.  Now:

Gabriel:  You want to take this stupid hat off of me.

Jon:  I want to take this stupid hat off of you.

Gabriel:  You want to wear the stupid hat.

Jon:  I want to wear the stupid hat.

Gabriel:  You don't mind if I sleep in your bed and kick you in the kidneys all night.

Jon:  I don't mind if you sleep in my bed and kick me in the kidneys all night.

Let's see...what else happened this weekend....

Oh!  I present to you....Gabriel's first word (outside of mama and dada):



A quick word of explanation:  it took me about a zillion takes to figure out why my camera was, mysteriously, not focusing (answer:  it was.  on the supermacro level).  At any rate, Gabriel was DONE telling us that Dharma is a doggie...hence the disgust as he turned away from Jon.  In fact, I think that, had his spoken vocabulary been able to support it, his answer to Jon's question would have been more like, "It's a dog.  Sheesh.  I've told you that a thousand times.  You guys are morons.  I'm going to go read a book."

And now, I'm going to go play with the older boys, who just got back from spending the weekend with their mother (who had them steal pillowcases from the hotel she was staying at to trick or treat with.  Because you can't get bags for a buck at WalMart.  FACEPALM!).

And, apparently, work on my "charity for all men" and "unexpressed thoughts."

If you have extra time you don't know what to do with...

I found a new website that is officially one of my favorites.  It's awkwardfamilyphotos.com.  Here is some of its awesomeness:

It makes me feel better about my level of dork.  We will not discuss the Halloween costume discussion I recently had with Ethan, but only say that Gabriel will be Yoda.  I will NOT be going as a Jedi, even though the scale would be appropriate.

It took me a while to see what was so funny in this picture.  Now I can't unsee it, and it's creeping me out.  Hint:  look around the mom, and know that this entry was titled, "Has anyone seen Aunt Teclia?"

“I recently photographed my sister-in-law’s wedding (my husband’s sister). I knew the window overlooked a part of the hotel’s roof, but I didn’t notice the workers until after I snapped a few pictures. When I got home and downloaded all the pictures, I couldn’t stop laughing when I saw this. Lucky for me she has a good sense of humor and allowed me to share it with you.” 

Again I say, go to awkwardfamilyphotos.com.  Prepare to be amused.  And disturbed.

The Reader's Digest version

I've decided to ignore my blogger's guilt and treat my blog like I do thank you notes:  stop whipping myself for the ones I didn't write and vow to do better.  And then blow it again inside of a month.

Sigh.

Being a typical Mormon woman, I can't completely ignore my Relief Society-induced "guilt over being human," so I'll give you the Reader's Digest version of the last few weeks' worth of blogs I didn't write. 

1.  Gabriel turned one. I didn't think you could get so dirty pincher-fingering a piece of cake, but there you go.

 

2.  Ethan decided he wants to be a "cake maker because they make people happy."  Kudos to Ethan for always wanting to make the world a better place, either through environmental awareness or not letting injustices pass unnoticed, especially if they favor Elijah.  Where was I?  CAKES!!! Ethan wants to make CAKES!  I let Ethan make Gabey's birthday cake.  It was his first gig...sadly for Ethan, it was all done pro bono:

3.  Jon's birthday.  He left the state so he could get some alone time, which is the only thing he ever asks for. Well, alone time and a non-scummy Super 8.  Keep dreaming on both counts, buddy! 

4.  Judging by this picture, I think Elijah may have joined al-qaeda.  He says he's a white ninja, but I just don't know....

Dear government watch dogs:  he didn't REALLY join al qaeda.  I just thought he looked like a terrorist in this picture.  Which he is NOT.  The only people who have to fear Elijah are the dads of the girls in his class. 

The end for now.  Check back soon to see how long I go before I abandon my resolution to keep my extended family better informed in favor of clean underwear.

Much love!

heh. heh heh. aheh.

Sometimes, I really miss singing in a choir.



In case you, like me, missed the original, you can catch it here...just for comparison's sake.  What an odd woman.

heh.  heh heh.  aheh.

The one where I look smart because I include famous pieces of art

As you all know, I entered that new age bracket yesterday.  I have to admit, this one is freaking me out much more than the last one, but that's probably because the last time I hit a notable age milestone, I was busy getting married; thus, I was freaking out about THAT much more than the value of the numeral in the tens place of my age.  I think what cinched it was when I realized that I have known Mollee for longer than I didn't, and the year of equality was around six years ago.  It also didn't help when I realized that my mom was teaching me how to drive when she was my age...she was so much younger than I realized at the time. 

Mercifully, I had some truly superb distractions to lessen the blow.  Like...

Seurat got the idea from JON.  That was us; only instead of Sunday, it was Saturday, and instead of monkeys, there were ducks.  It was a beautiful day for a picnic, even if the ducks did perplex Gabriel somewhat.   I wish I remembered to bring my camera--it was a cool park that had the next best thing to the Teacups ride outside of Disneyland...yes, I giggled like an idiot.  It was awesome.

And later....

We went to the Aggie game with Mollee and Dave, whose family really knows how to party, by the way.  Also, sneak good food into a stadium.  We're talking hot chili and buffalo wings, not just cookies.  Although there were cookies (there I go, focusing on the concessions again).  Jon made sure we were all decked out in Aggie gear--I like to wear the big "A" because it's not just my last initial, it's my grades.  Heh. Heh heh.  Heh.

While there, Dave coerced Jon into showing team spirit by throwing one of our children into the air every time the Aggies scored, and not just once...once for each point scored.  I wish I had a picture of it, but I was too busy not looking for fear that my kid would be dropped on the concrete.  Ethan, however, was a sport and reenacted the moment for me:

Ethan, the daredevil, thought it was great fun; Elijah, not so much.  He blocked it from his memory, but I think his reenactment would look more like this:

Speaking of Mollee and Dave, Mollee is a good friend, even if she DID decide a few years ago that I should collect pink flamingos and got everyone else to go along with it, resulting in several years' worth of pink flamingo gifts and one poor family consistently being targeted by the Lawn Ranger, whose calling card was an unexpected pair of flamingos on the front lawn.  Huh.  I need bring that guy back.  That was fun.  Anyways, Mollee decided that I need experience another level of classy, so she got me...

A.  PINK. SNUGGIE.

Thanks, Moll!  Now I'm ready to join another cult!  Elijah is quite thrilled to have a snuggie buddy.  The great thing about my snuggie is that not only do I NOT have to fuss about how to keep the use of my hands whilst using a blanket (HARD!), but mine is a second gen iSnuggie, and features the following design modification:

A pocket. In fact, there are TWO pockets, because everyone knows they work in pairs.

You know how exciting it is to find that forgotten twenty in the dryer?  Think of the joy when I find that cupcake I forgot about, especially if I find it while I'm at a sporting event with my fellow cult members.  It'll be like Christmas in September!  It's the gift that keeps on giving!

Except I think I'm going to go raid my stash right now...

Thanks for all the birthday wishes...and if you want to hear a funny joke, call Macey.  She's practically Brian Regan.

Peace out.

I hope he or she chokes on it!

I'm trying REALLY hard to be a) positive, b) Christlike, and c) not an emotional wreck.

I'm trying, but I'm going to be honest...I think I'm failing miserably.  Or failing really well.  I guess it depends on how you look at it.

On Saturday, I move into a different age bracket.  Grrrrr.  Also, my driver's license expires.  I love my current driver's license.  It features a picture where I don't look like a bloated, red-eyed mutant monster freak (it was a rough morning at the driver's license division).

Apparently, to borrow an expression from today's Cake Wrecks, "once my driver's license expires, I could have been born ANYWHERE" and I needed to bring a copy of my birth certificate to prove that while I may be unbalanced, I'm an unbalanced AMERICAN. For the love.  So my wonderful mom, who is apparently STILL having to take care of me--even though I'm entering an age bracket that NOT ONLY results in great auto insurance rates, but my next pregnancy will be high risk--anyways, Mom had to dig through who knows what to find my birth certificate.  Which she did, because she is awesome like that.  Because, again, once my driver's license expires, I could have been born anywhere. 

I choose Fiji, and I'm going home, because apparently having a LAMINATED birth certificate ALSO means I could have been born anywhere.  What kind of backwards, terrorist-funding country lets their citizens laminate documents they want to last a lifetime?  Not the USA!  Here, we pay $17, get stuff notarized, and wait 6-8 weeks when we want to prove that we are law-abiding, naturally-born citizens, and we do it with natural fibers, unencumbered by unholy polymers!  Countries that let people laminate their documents probably also let their women learn to read, and that can't be allowed (mostly because when women can read and write, they end up splattering hormone-fueled rage all over the internet.).

Deep breath.

I hope today gets better from here on out, because YESTERDAY Jon lost his thumb drive.  The thumb drive that has the research he spent July gathering in three different Eastern states.  He left it in the USU library, and I hope the punk that decided to keep it (instead of turning it in at the front desk or something) gets a virus that pops up the Rick Rolled video every time he/she types the word "the," and it can't be stopped until the WHOLE VIDEO PLAYS.   See how I'm not being very Christlike today?  The killer is, I would have GLADLY given the kid $20 to buy his own thumb drive, but NOOOOO, now we have to fly Jon back to Pittsburg/Wheeling for a week so he can reenact July (which will be like playing the minute waltz in fifteen seconds), and OH YEAH, he can't really get started on his thesis until he gets back because he needs the information he lost, which is a whole 'nuther headache.  So the $20 thumb drive that kid pocketed has already cost us $400 (I'm not going to discuss how we produced that magic cow), and we haven't even paid for the two star hotel yet.  I really hope s/he needs it and isn't using it for downloaded porn and pirated music.  GRRRRRRRRR!

Deep breath.

I need to think some happy thoughts, and about more than the pumpkin/chocolate chip loaf that my friend dropped off last night.

(Here's the part where I force myself to look on the bright side, even though I really just want to fume and stew and plot revenge on Unnamed Aggie Thief, but that isn't good for my attitude or my blood pressure.)

--we are healthy
--we are fed
--we are sheltered
--if this is the worst we have to deal with this week, we are really quite blessed, because it isn't insurmountable, it will just take time, and we pulled together the means to deal with the problem.  Literally, thank heaven.

Deep breath.

Something good will come of this, I know, but right now I think I'm doing a pretty good imitation of Gabriel when I give him bananas instead of goldfish crackers at snack time.

Aaaaaaand...drowning my frustration in chocolate will commence in 5...4...3...2..NOW!

You're not dying, you just can't think of anything good to do!

So Elijah woke up this morning, and was all

Not really.  Jon and I (mostly me; it makes Jon cringe, but he goes along with it) have a one-per-year-complimentary Mental Health Day policy at our house, and Elijah took advantage of it today.  I figure, I'd rather that he be honest with me and that he not start the day curled up in a ball licking his palms in order to get a few hours of down time.  As a result, he gets a brief reprive from third grade; I get to hang out with the funniest eight-year-old on the planet for a few extra hours.  It's been a mostly boring day, with a few exceptions....

(as I type, he's playing Lego Star Wars and humming the Star Wars Imperial March to himself because I made him turn down the volume so I could hear the baby moniter better.  hee hee.)

1.  We went to Smith's, where I had him in a complete panic that his principal would go there to get his lunch and catch him ditching school.  It was HYSTERICAL when the guy checking price/inventory/whatever with a scanner made the scanner start beeping in an ominous way--I told Elijah to hide behind the cart because the beeping was a scanner looking for kids who should be in school and it was ON TO HIM!  He ducked behind the cart like it was a bomb shelter and a nuke had just been popped.  hee hee.

"I did not achieve this position in life by having some snot-nosed punk leave my cheese out in the wind."

2.  As we were walking to the car (and I kept telling him to hide because I saw his teacher--and the poor kid kept buying it...), he was having a little train of thought that had me in stitches.  Keep in mind that the following was pretty much stream-of-thought:

Elijah:  "Meegan, if you're kissing someone and they have an Adam's apple, you're kissing a boy, so always check for an Adam's apple so you don't accidentally kiss a boy."

Meegan:  "Unless you're a girl and you WANT to kiss a boy."

Elijah:  (worriedly) "hmmmm....how can you check to make sure it's not a girl?  OH!!!  They have BOOBS!!!!" (pensively) "Unless they had them chopped off..."

Meegan:  laughs hysterically

And this didn't technically happen today, but it does involve Elijah and it's equally hysterical...I asked Lije to watch Gabriel so I could get dinner ready.  Gabe was in his high chair, and Elijah proceeded to demonstrate a history of warfare for him, beginning in the Stone Age and ending with Armageddon.  For a prop, he used the unbelievably large squash that our friends gave us.  Here Elijah is, recreating World War I; that's a machine gun he's carrying:

LOCK N LOAD!

Then he moved on to World War II and the grenade launcher....I wish I could have recorded the sounds...

AND THEN...I was checking his homework folder, and I found....THIS:

In case it's too small to read, that says:

Guy on Right:  Who are you?

Guy on Left:  Death, fool!

Guy on Right:  O-no!

Guy on Left:  It's bed time!

I think I can sum today up thusly:

And now, Elijah and I are going to steal someone's lunch reservations.  And maybe start a dance party.  Be jealous of us, but don't end up in the police station making out with Charlie Sheen.

As you were.