Why I have dogs (the short list)

1. So I don't have to mop the floor. They're very good about making sure ANYTHING that gets dropped on the floor--inorganic, grossly inedible, ANYTHING--gets taken care of. Example: Gabriel yakked all over me the other night and some of it got on the floor. Thanks, Madie, for taking care of it for me. She would have taken care of ALL of it, but I have my limits.


2. So I can tell who is at fault when Jon and I fight. True story. They're NEVER wrong. If Jon and I had a fight and the dogs are nowhere to be seen and I find them with Jon, I know I'm being a jerk. This has happened a lot, recently. Not that I am proud of it.


3. So I have something to trip over in the middle of the night on the way to get Gabriel out of his crib. It goes like this: I step on a dog and curse. The dog moves two feet, generally along the road to Gabe's room. I step on the SAME dog AGAIN. I curse again. Rinse, repeat.


4. So we don't get any pesky bills because the mailman is too scared to deliver our mail. True story. We got a warning letter about keeping our dogs away from the front door if we want to get mail, which makes the next reason so much more fun.


5. So there is someone/thing around to show the burglar where we keep the really good stuff. If you make it past the door, our dogs are your best friend.


6. To keep us safe from the neighbor's cat, who must be planning an all-out home assault (based on Dharma's reaction to her).


7. To bother Kimber and Kegger when we go visit my parents. I swear it isn't on purpose, Mom! I really do like your dogs!


8. To keep the lint roller people in business.


9. To give me something to do during sacrament meeting, because no matter how many lint roller sheets I use, it's never enough.


10. To give Elise another reason to think I'm a jerky older sister (besides that time I ditched her at a park and drove back and forth in front of her). I once sent her a letter full of Lowell-hair when she was a missionary. Just in case she missed him and/or had extra lint rollers hanging around. Man, I AM a jerky older sister...



Oh, here are my current mutts:



This is Madie:

She got Jon through his divorce and still blames me for the fact that Jon no longer shares his ice cream with her.

This is Dharma:

She was our unplanned puppy. That's what happens when you're a newlywed and the husband takes the wife to the pound with the intention to break her in gently to the idea of getting another dog, not knowing that his wife who seems to not have a soul (based on her interactions with kids with disabilities) is actually a sucker for dogs behind bars.

AAAAAND...the end.